Time for Truth
During the night I realized that I haven’t really changed. As always I have acquired a lot of knowledge but have been unable to put it to use. If the tiny mad idea, or the original thought of separation was that I didn’t want a god ruling over me, then I have made no progress. I still have those same thoughts. Of course I can’t really relate to the original thought that I had because I have put it so far back in my memory that it is no longer reachable. And sadly I do not really know the Fullness of My Father’s Love as this world of protection, that I have built around myself, has kept me from knowing Him as He is. But if my original thought was to think for myself then I can’t say that I have changed.
I do know that all of this comes from the fact that I have been unable to reach the closeness of My Father that I desire so much. In all of my life I have only had moments, here and there that I have felt that I have experienced His Presence, and in those moments I want nothing else, and feel such a sense of lose when that moment is over. So my judgment of myself is based on false information. That makes me feel somewhat better. But these times when I do not feel His Presence I feel so lost and alone and I hate that feeling!
Those crazy thoughts of someone ruling over me come from my lack of understanding because I still can’t really get a grasp on what You refer to as ‘Oneness’. I seem to have this KNOWING that lacks experience. If I am one with You then that doesn’t seem like it could be possible that You are ‘ruling’ over me or judging me, right? So my ideas of the ‘old religious god’ are still bleeding through, so to speak. How could I have been so stupid to not realize those old thoughts were still lurking around. Of course they are, my ego is fighting with all it has to keep me in this hellish state of mind. I know better than this. Forgive me Father, and yet I know that You already have, as a matter of fact You don’t even recognize my foolish thoughts, they are nothing to You. For this I am ever grateful!
Thanks, My Precious Father, I am so glad that You always allow me to talk things out with You. And I never fear that You are judging me. Father please correct my thinking. I bring my old thoughts to You once again for Your cleansing. You alone have the power to change those forces and put them in line with Your Thoughts. Please allow me to REMEMBER You as You are and as I am in Oneness.
This gets me, yesterday morning I was so filled with Your Revelation that I was falling out of my chair because my body couldn’t contain it all and this morning I’m questioning my whole existence. But yet it makes perfect sense doesn’t it. After I ‘came back to myself’ I hated it. Comparing this world to Your Presence made me ‘physically’ sick. How very interesting. Amazing how just asking for Your Help changes Who I am instantly. Thank You Father!
