In My World
What I have designed for myself is so incredible that I cannot get my mind around it yet. All the blame that I have put on religions and preachers and teachers have all been my own creations. I felt that I needed prophets, psychics and seers of all sorts to help me figure out who my god is. And when I get sick, then I need a doctor to figure out why I am sick and to cure my illness, of which I also created. No wonder I am always mad at preachers and doctors, if I didn’t have the answers to my problems how could they, they are only pieces of myself that I have split off so that I can observe and criticize.
Look at the many religions that I have produced, trying desperately to find the truth. There are so many that I can’t even remember them all. And I leave them here to carry on their work as I complete a life cycle, die, and are reborn again, expecting them to have the answers in my next life.
Country after country, leader after leader is produced and given the impossible job of creating peace, which always seems to end up in war.
And what of the savior that I have chosen for myself in this lifetime? As a 13 year old I made the decision that this god-man called Jesus must have the power to save me and so he has been my friend and big brother for many years. At times, he has been my only comfort. And now who is he? I find that that presence that I have always referred to as My Father’s Holy Spirit is using my Jesus to represent Himself to me as this was my choice, and my comfort. So then the question comes to my mind, If Jesus is representing the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit is representing My Father…then who is my Father representing? Obviously our God is not our father as we identify a father to be, so the term is being used for my ‘comfort’ also.
I know that I asked for this information to be given to me in the best way that I was capable of understanding it and I thank You for this, but I will admit that I feel a little frightened and alone. I hate this feeling of fear of the unknown but the Truth seems to be as frightening or maybe even more frightening than what is unknown to me. Not that I want you to stop showing me these things, I want to go further into Your Mind as soon and as much as I can comprehend. And for the moment I will still call you Jesus as long as that is ok because I seem to be looking for an anchor to hold me and a safe port to dock. It’s no wonder that I have created so many others, but why is the feeling of aloneness so frightening? Oh, I know, it’s symbolic of the separation from You that I feel. But Father, I need to ‘feel’ or KNOW Your Oneness, that is my anchor and my safe port. So how can I give up my illusion, which as stupid as it seems, makes me feel that I am not alone, without replacing it with Your Love which I am so desperate to feel? But when I think about this world, it’s only a bunch of noise and all or most of it seems to aggravate me… so that is why You say that Your Peace is in Your Silence. Hmmmm….
