I Have a Question
Father, why is it that when my mind is healed, that the illusion that I see is not changed? If my perceptual world is the projection of my self image, then why does my perception of this world not change as my self image changes?
“Your perception will change. What you see may not though.”
Why would what I see not also change if what I see is a reflection of who I see myself to be?
“By recognizing the illusion for what it is, you will feel no pain.”
Then why is that not ok with me? Why do I want it to change?
“If it changed, it would still be an illusion, just a different illusion.”
So I’m still asking to see the illusion, just a better one? But if my self image changes, and I accept the fact that I am the son of God, then why doesn’t the whole illusion disappear?
“Your healing will come in stages, as each decision is made.”
But I thought there was only one problem, my belief that I am separate from you, so how can there be more than one decision to make? I feel you smiling at me. I feel your kindness, even as I am trying so hard to understand.
“Just relax, you’re ok. I won’t leave you. You’re safe and you’re going to come through this, actually, you already have, you just don’t recognize it yet.”
Well how can I recognize it? I want to see it.
“That’s the problem, you won’t to see it. So you are still ‘seeing’, but what you are seeing is what you perceive to be true because you want evidence so badly.”
What’s wrong with wanting evidence?
“That’s illusion. You want to focus on an image, a picture. Focus on your thought. Who do you think that you are? Who do you think that I am? I am not that figure that you have in your mind of me. I am not those hands that are so familiar to you. I come to you in those images because that is what you require of me, that is your comfort zone. I long to speak to you as thought, as mind, as one, but as yet you are not ready, but it will come. It’s just a little bit beyond your understanding at this point, but it will come, soon.”
I feel your silence. I feel sad because I can’t reach you on that level. I’m looking for a door of some kind, like Alice in Wonderland…but that’s the problem isn’t it? I’m ‘looking’ when I think that I am seeking, and yet I know that I must seek for you in silence…
I do understand now, why I go so long without ‘hearing’ your voice. I have become so dependent on the sound of that voice and I love it so but it is time to take another step up that ladder but the thought of never ‘hearing’ that voice again saddens me beyond description…but that too is illusion. You are not a voice anymore than you are hands reaching out to me. And I know that you are gently calling me to you, as you are, instead of who I want you to be. I have made you human because that was all that I knew. To know you now as the son of God, as my brother, as one….
I say I’m not afraid to take that step but I am, because I know how it works. Once I take that step forward, that bottom step will no longer be there…and that’s all I know. But yet I want to feel your presence more than I want my life as I know it, so I will take that step…soon.
2011 06 06: Each step that I take as I climb the ladder, so to speak, I am losing nothing, although I know that the step that I am leaving behind disappears as I climb forward. As I now know, there is nothing to fear, as each step represents an old belief system that I no longer need nor want. What is really scary is that I have allowed each of those, now disappearing, steps to support me for so long!
2011 06 06: Each step that I take as I climb the ladder, so to speak, I am losing nothing, although I know that the step that I am leaving behind disappears as I climb forward. As I now know, there is nothing to fear, as each step represents an old belief system that I no longer need nor want. What is really scary is that I have allowed each of those, now disappearing, steps to support me for so long!